IRC refugee incentive worker who is sharing our van ride through Kakuma refugee camp. I blink back at the fifteen or so young faces peering at me, kids living in Kakuma 4 where we've stopped to visit a family. For the past five minutes or so we've been drawing pictures in the dust on the side of the IRC van, our only shared language the goofy smiley faces and squiggles that now tag the vehicle. 'If only I thought to bring a soccer ball to kick around,' I think lamely ('lame' because when was the last time I kicked a soccer ball or was remotely athletic in the heat). I've been reprimanding myself for not knowing more Swahili, which I'm not confident would have helped me communicate with these kids anyway. They'll say something and laugh, rolling their eyes and giggling behind hands, and I can only guess that they're laughing at this sweaty, red-faced white lady drawing crooked cartoons on the side of a car. But now this. "The country I come from is very good." I flashback to the mesh-covered bulletin boards in the mainstreets of the camp and in front of the hospital that host UNHCR's lists of names, names of refugees who have been deemed eligible for resettlement and whose numbers are being called. A rigged lotto. A black-and-white-and-read-all-over Ellis Island. "Ah," I say, "yes, I'm from there." I look out and up over the glinting aluminum roofs, roofs that cap mud-brick houses that roast to well over 105F every day, and see their peaks mirrored in the Rift's steepled craggs that ring the camp. This camp, that I've come to see and to experience and to absorb and to learn from. I suddenly feel indecent, as if I've stepped into a hushed-toned conversation I wasn't meant to hear, an intruder and an outsider to the place of refuge and respite.
Such is the story of grant-driven funding; a need is identified, so a program is set up and funded. When the program performs well, the needs are deemed met and funding looks elsewhere. As we drove the dusty road back to the IRC compound, a line from a Seamus Heaney poem kept playing over in my ear, that calls for a time when "the longed-for tidal wave/ of justice can rise up/ and hope and history rhyme."








